Tuesday, December 28, 2004
The George and Tony Show
Sing along with George and Tony as they take their routine on a tour of Iraq, Afghanistan with dates pencilled in for Iran, Syria and North Korea
George and Tony: The George and Tony ShowThe George and Tony Show
George: I’m thick as shit
Tony: Yes I know
George: We’re the new Reagan and Thatcher
Tony: I’m thinner
George: I’m badder
Tony: He’s a Republican
George: He’s New Labour, what’s that?
Tony: Whatever you want it to be George
Tony: Our politics are sanitised
George: We even believe our own lies
Tony: And hope that you do too
Tony: So George, what do you think of the Third Way?
George: Hell Tony, I can barely do it the first way.
George: We went to Afghanistan
Tony: To knock them dead with our show
George: We blew away Kabul and Kunduz
Tony: We’ll bomb anywhere
George: We don’t give a damn
Tony: The George and Tony Show
Tony: George, is this Son of Star Wars thing any good?
George: Tony, I hope its better than The Phantom Menace because that sure sucked.
George: We don’t care about International Law
Tony: Mess with us
George: And you’ll get a smart bomb through your door
Tony: Who needs diplomacy
George: When you’ve got B52’s
Tony: With NATO on your side
George: How can you lose
Tony: George, about these "smart bombs"
George: Great, aint they.
Tony: But if they’re so smart why did they all land in Kazakhstan.
George and Tony: The George and Tony ShowThe George and Tony Show
Tony: It’s a hit from Cuba to Kossovo
George: We’re the new enforcers
Tony: You’d better obey us
George: And if you call our bluff
Tony: And make us strut our stuff
George: You’ll have to listen to us sing as well
Tony: And if you talk to anyone
George: In Iraq or Vietnam
Tony: They’ll tell you that it aint so swell.
Tony: Here you go George, have a pretzel
George: Gee thanks Tony.
Watch it here (scroll down to the bottom of the page)http://politics.pingdynasty.com/enr/enr10_11/enr10/index.htm
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Fair Price Day
I'm all in favour of Buy Nothing Day, but may I propose another course of action for those sad souls who need to shop to make themselves happy or who are drawn to GAP woollies.
Fair Price Day where we offer to pay retailers like GAP a fair price for their products based on the cost of the sweatshop labour + transport from across the world + few pennies for their UK staff + nothing for marketing and advertising because we all know what they are about anyway = about a quarter of what they currently charge. Being the good capitalists that they are how can they refuse.
Then even those heartless souls who think sweatshops are preferable to the alternatives of growing your own crops, going to college, learning a craft etc. would jump on board because idiots like that love a bargain and deep down hate the thought of being ripped off and taken for a mug.
This is a comment I made on an Indymedia talkboard debating Buy Nothing Day
www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2003/11/282234.html
Fair Price Day where we offer to pay retailers like GAP a fair price for their products based on the cost of the sweatshop labour + transport from across the world + few pennies for their UK staff + nothing for marketing and advertising because we all know what they are about anyway = about a quarter of what they currently charge. Being the good capitalists that they are how can they refuse.
Then even those heartless souls who think sweatshops are preferable to the alternatives of growing your own crops, going to college, learning a craft etc. would jump on board because idiots like that love a bargain and deep down hate the thought of being ripped off and taken for a mug.
This is a comment I made on an Indymedia talkboard debating Buy Nothing Day
www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2003/11/282234.html
Sunday, June 27, 2004
The Importance of Lampoonery
“It’s their lying. Conniving conflict-of-interest-laden greedy evil doing that’s the problem.”
This sentence was found in a review of Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 by B. Ruby Rich. It’s is used in the context of Moore’s reliance on lampoonery to attack America’s ruling elite. It is followed up with the question: “Does humour enrich outrage or diminish it?”. The implication being that humour somehow lets the baddies off the hook.
This is something that I’ve come across often when performing political comedy. But my belief in the effectiveness of lampoonery as a political tool is not just backed up by personal experience but by over a thousand years of tradition. From the Greeks through to Lenny Bruce and Dario Fo comedy and farce have been viewed by those in power as one of their greatest enemies.
In medieval Italy jongleurs performing crude buffonatti were persecuted by the church and the landowners for their performances mocking the rich and were routinely flayed alive. Henry VIII of England banned the performance of Mummer’s Plays which were seen as deeply subversive. In the medieval court The Fool or Jester was often the most influential opinion former.
In the age of illiteracy people performing simple comic routines could transmit a powerful political message to an uneducated mass in a way no other form could achieve. Maybe this explains Moore’s influence in America and his use of techniques that appear crude and simplistic. Greed and corruption are not terribly complicated things.
The genius, if you like, of the ruling class of the late 20th and early 21st centuries is to deploy language and image in such a way as to create an alternate reality in which invasion and occupation is liberation, downsizing is economic sense, and democracy is the choice between the right-wing guy and the very right-wing guy. To engage this myth with it’s own language on a serious level is to accept its reality. Only by lampooning this fake truth can we expose the lie.
This sentence was found in a review of Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 by B. Ruby Rich. It’s is used in the context of Moore’s reliance on lampoonery to attack America’s ruling elite. It is followed up with the question: “Does humour enrich outrage or diminish it?”. The implication being that humour somehow lets the baddies off the hook.
This is something that I’ve come across often when performing political comedy. But my belief in the effectiveness of lampoonery as a political tool is not just backed up by personal experience but by over a thousand years of tradition. From the Greeks through to Lenny Bruce and Dario Fo comedy and farce have been viewed by those in power as one of their greatest enemies.
In medieval Italy jongleurs performing crude buffonatti were persecuted by the church and the landowners for their performances mocking the rich and were routinely flayed alive. Henry VIII of England banned the performance of Mummer’s Plays which were seen as deeply subversive. In the medieval court The Fool or Jester was often the most influential opinion former.
In the age of illiteracy people performing simple comic routines could transmit a powerful political message to an uneducated mass in a way no other form could achieve. Maybe this explains Moore’s influence in America and his use of techniques that appear crude and simplistic. Greed and corruption are not terribly complicated things.
The genius, if you like, of the ruling class of the late 20th and early 21st centuries is to deploy language and image in such a way as to create an alternate reality in which invasion and occupation is liberation, downsizing is economic sense, and democracy is the choice between the right-wing guy and the very right-wing guy. To engage this myth with it’s own language on a serious level is to accept its reality. Only by lampooning this fake truth can we expose the lie.
Monday, May 31, 2004
Manifesto for Mayor of London
After a process of absolutely no consultation with anyone whatsoever and about ten minutes thought here’s my plan for London.
The congestion charge zone to be grassed over and populated by herds of municipal goats
Abolition of all private property and relaxing of planning regulations to allow people to construct Yurts wherever they deem fit
The office of Mayor to be combined with that of Official Fool with the uniform of office to be the appropriate attire of an Idiot (i.e. large pointy shoes, jester’s hat etc.) and worn at all times
Dr. Johnson’s birthday to be made a public holiday
The recovery of London’s lost rivers of the Fleet, the St. Clement’s, the Walbrook, The Langbourne, the Oldbourne, the Effra, the Ravensbourne, and the Hackney Brook with the digging up of roads etc. where necessary
Scrap the Olympic bid and instead hold an international festival of Mumming, Mocking and Lampoonery
All cafes meeting the “Classic Café’s” criteria to be given Grade 1 listing and all licensed premises to be legally obliged to sell at least two varieties of Real Ale
An annual parade of the ‘Mocking of The Rich’ with the unfortunates of the city to lead a procession through Mayfair, Belgravia, Knightsbridge, Kensington and Chelsea
Land set aside for the cultivation of marijuana and opium poppies to deal with the capital’s drug related crime problem. Offenders to be given the task of tending the fields and looking after the goats (making sure they don’t scoff the crops)
Please don’t vote for me, bourgeois democracy changes nothing. As our mayor Mr Livingstone said himself; “If voting changed anything they’d abolish it.”
The congestion charge zone to be grassed over and populated by herds of municipal goats
Abolition of all private property and relaxing of planning regulations to allow people to construct Yurts wherever they deem fit
The office of Mayor to be combined with that of Official Fool with the uniform of office to be the appropriate attire of an Idiot (i.e. large pointy shoes, jester’s hat etc.) and worn at all times
Dr. Johnson’s birthday to be made a public holiday
The recovery of London’s lost rivers of the Fleet, the St. Clement’s, the Walbrook, The Langbourne, the Oldbourne, the Effra, the Ravensbourne, and the Hackney Brook with the digging up of roads etc. where necessary
Scrap the Olympic bid and instead hold an international festival of Mumming, Mocking and Lampoonery
All cafes meeting the “Classic Café’s” criteria to be given Grade 1 listing and all licensed premises to be legally obliged to sell at least two varieties of Real Ale
An annual parade of the ‘Mocking of The Rich’ with the unfortunates of the city to lead a procession through Mayfair, Belgravia, Knightsbridge, Kensington and Chelsea
Land set aside for the cultivation of marijuana and opium poppies to deal with the capital’s drug related crime problem. Offenders to be given the task of tending the fields and looking after the goats (making sure they don’t scoff the crops)
Please don’t vote for me, bourgeois democracy changes nothing. As our mayor Mr Livingstone said himself; “If voting changed anything they’d abolish it.”
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
FIVE WAYS TO SAVE THE WORLD
1. Use a goat to cut your grass, dispose of household waste, provide milk and when it starts to get old and useless eat it. Share a goat with a neighbour or even the whole street. Why not start a ‘Neighbourhood Goat Scheme.’
2. Travel to work on a Space Hopper. This cuts down on greenhouse gas emissions and keeps you fit. Its also fun, you’ll be fitter and happier, less likely to be a burden on the Health System and more pleasant to live and work with.
3. Don’t vote. It only encourages politicians and makes them think that they have some kind of mandate to drop bombs on people.
4. House swap with an Afghan (if you can find one with a house still standing). Afghanistan enjoys a pleasant climate with hot summers and crisp cool winters. Employment prospects for English speakers are good due to the large military presence which is likely to be there for some time. There are also plenty of goats (although there are no figures of goat fatalities caused by the recent conflict) – see point 1. Also think of how happy you’ll be able to make an Afghan family who can come and live in the country that bombed them out of a home.
5. Pie a prominent public figure. Shoving a pie, (it needn’t be custard) into the face of politician, industrialist, right-wing journalist, reality TV host etc can be incredibly rewarding and quite amusing, its also far more effective than voting. Also, baking your own pie is very therapeutic and makes your kitchen smell nice. Invite some friends to join you, it helps build community spirit – see ‘Neighbourhood Goat Scheme.’
2. Travel to work on a Space Hopper. This cuts down on greenhouse gas emissions and keeps you fit. Its also fun, you’ll be fitter and happier, less likely to be a burden on the Health System and more pleasant to live and work with.
3. Don’t vote. It only encourages politicians and makes them think that they have some kind of mandate to drop bombs on people.
4. House swap with an Afghan (if you can find one with a house still standing). Afghanistan enjoys a pleasant climate with hot summers and crisp cool winters. Employment prospects for English speakers are good due to the large military presence which is likely to be there for some time. There are also plenty of goats (although there are no figures of goat fatalities caused by the recent conflict) – see point 1. Also think of how happy you’ll be able to make an Afghan family who can come and live in the country that bombed them out of a home.
5. Pie a prominent public figure. Shoving a pie, (it needn’t be custard) into the face of politician, industrialist, right-wing journalist, reality TV host etc can be incredibly rewarding and quite amusing, its also far more effective than voting. Also, baking your own pie is very therapeutic and makes your kitchen smell nice. Invite some friends to join you, it helps build community spirit – see ‘Neighbourhood Goat Scheme.’
Sunday, May 09, 2004
THE G.A.D.A.F.I MANIFESTO
We have toiled within the narrow frameworks of political debate laid out by party politics and propounded by the media
We have been numbed by the inane-ness and banality of TV and multiplex cinema
We have marched, protested, squatted and written angry letters of complaint
Taking our inspiration from the minstrels who defeated the mighty Burgundian army at Berne and demonstrated that buffoonery will always be victorious against repression.
THIS IS OUR RESPONSE…..
1. We believe in the overthrow of the current political order. Parliamentary democracy has resolutely failed and become an agent of war and destruction
2. Money, religion, work, commerce and leisure are all slaves to the Molochs of Capitalism and Imperialism. We oppose them in all their manifestations
3. We advocate the use of Comedy Terrorism in order to achieve our aims
4. We are the Comedy Chemotherapy that kills Corporate Cancer. We are clowns using Idiocy to tackle oppression. We are the Harlequins of the revolution
5. To engage with the existing political order in reasoned debate is to legitimise it. Where others debate and argue we mock and lampoon. Our laughter will shame them
6. We believe that 500 clowns wearing red noses and oversized shoes could defeat a whole battalion of tanks and helicopter gun-ships
7. We believe it is possible to be funny and be right
8. Satirists preach to the converted. G.A.D.A.F.I aim to subvert the masses
9. The global imperial ambitions of the ‘The New American Century’ can be defeated with irony. The American military machine has no response to Ironic Dissent
10. We are inspired by: the Minstrels of Berne, The Mummers of England, Italian jongleurs of the Middle Ages, Lenny Bruce, Dario Fo, The Simpsons and South Park, Jackass, The Biotic Baking Brigade, Ralph Steadman and Steve Bell, and the experience of The Soapbox Cabaret
We have been numbed by the inane-ness and banality of TV and multiplex cinema
We have marched, protested, squatted and written angry letters of complaint
Taking our inspiration from the minstrels who defeated the mighty Burgundian army at Berne and demonstrated that buffoonery will always be victorious against repression.
THIS IS OUR RESPONSE…..
1. We believe in the overthrow of the current political order. Parliamentary democracy has resolutely failed and become an agent of war and destruction
2. Money, religion, work, commerce and leisure are all slaves to the Molochs of Capitalism and Imperialism. We oppose them in all their manifestations
3. We advocate the use of Comedy Terrorism in order to achieve our aims
4. We are the Comedy Chemotherapy that kills Corporate Cancer. We are clowns using Idiocy to tackle oppression. We are the Harlequins of the revolution
5. To engage with the existing political order in reasoned debate is to legitimise it. Where others debate and argue we mock and lampoon. Our laughter will shame them
6. We believe that 500 clowns wearing red noses and oversized shoes could defeat a whole battalion of tanks and helicopter gun-ships
7. We believe it is possible to be funny and be right
8. Satirists preach to the converted. G.A.D.A.F.I aim to subvert the masses
9. The global imperial ambitions of the ‘The New American Century’ can be defeated with irony. The American military machine has no response to Ironic Dissent
10. We are inspired by: the Minstrels of Berne, The Mummers of England, Italian jongleurs of the Middle Ages, Lenny Bruce, Dario Fo, The Simpsons and South Park, Jackass, The Biotic Baking Brigade, Ralph Steadman and Steve Bell, and the experience of The Soapbox Cabaret
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