1. Use a goat to cut your grass, dispose of household waste, provide milk and when it starts to get old and useless eat it. Share a goat with a neighbour or even the whole street. Why not start a ‘Neighbourhood Goat Scheme.’
2. Travel to work on a Space Hopper. This cuts down on greenhouse gas emissions and keeps you fit. Its also fun, you’ll be fitter and happier, less likely to be a burden on the Health System and more pleasant to live and work with.
3. Don’t vote. It only encourages politicians and makes them think that they have some kind of mandate to drop bombs on people.
4. House swap with an Afghan (if you can find one with a house still standing). Afghanistan enjoys a pleasant climate with hot summers and crisp cool winters. Employment prospects for English speakers are good due to the large military presence which is likely to be there for some time. There are also plenty of goats (although there are no figures of goat fatalities caused by the recent conflict) – see point 1. Also think of how happy you’ll be able to make an Afghan family who can come and live in the country that bombed them out of a home.
5. Pie a prominent public figure. Shoving a pie, (it needn’t be custard) into the face of politician, industrialist, right-wing journalist, reality TV host etc can be incredibly rewarding and quite amusing, its also far more effective than voting. Also, baking your own pie is very therapeutic and makes your kitchen smell nice. Invite some friends to join you, it helps build community spirit – see ‘Neighbourhood Goat Scheme.’